


so long and lost

by luciferloveschloe (clairefraserloves)



Series: 1k celebration [1]
Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Angst, Episode: s02e14 Candy Morningstar, F/M, I'm Sorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-25
Updated: 2020-02-25
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:09:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22900744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clairefraserloves/pseuds/luciferloveschloe
Summary: Prompt: "Why are you lying to me?"“You lied on that damned beach. You lied when you cared for me when I was poisoned. I– I still don’t know how you helped Dan with the antidote, but you– You lied when I woke up, too. You lied and you tricked me, and I should never even have trusted you to begin with and you– You don’t even deserve my tears. I mean, did all of that mean nothing to you? Was anything even real?!”
Relationships: Chloe Decker/Lucifer Morningstar
Series: 1k celebration [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1790785
Comments: 31
Kudos: 101





	so long and lost

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MisabeltheMiserable](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MisabeltheMiserable/gifts).



> @misabelthemiserable, this is for you! part of my 1k celebration on tumblr.
> 
> i'm so sorry, really, but you wanted this.
> 
> betaed by @narleen and @venividivictorious. thank you!!
> 
> as always, you earn my undying gratitude if you leave a comment.
> 
> work title is from florence + the machine's 'so long and lost'.
> 
> come yell at me on [tumblr](https://luciferloveschloe.tumblr.com/)!

“Why are you lying to me?”

The words are too loud, too intimate in the busy precinct, she knows, but her hands have balled into fists at her sides and she has to _stop_ him from talking, from spewing more _bullshit_ in that voice she loves, that voice she terribly missed in the last two weeks, that voice that now lets her blood run cold in her veins.

“Detective?”

The annoying, unbearable smirk slips off his face, and he blinks, focussing on her. Behind them, his _wife_ smoothes out her pink dress over a body that looks nothing like hers, and she hates the way her insides coil and twist.

“Don’t _ever_ call me that again.”

Thankfully, her voice doesn’t betray her, and he reels back as if she had struck him, eyes widening briefly before he can school his features into something resembling calm and concern. He’s good at that, isn’t he? He always has been. Acting and manipulating and wearing so many masks that maybe even _he_ doesn’t know what kind of person he is. She doesn’t care.

He opens his mouth to answer her, the mouth she _kissed_ , and she grabs his sleeve to yank him towards one of the conference rooms so she doesn’t have to listen to him any longer. She lets go as soon as she can, but even that brief contact is too much.

She still remembers him sitting next to her hospital bed, looking worse than she’d ever seen him, carefully holding her hand with his own. Or extricating his fingers from her grasp? She can’t be sure now. It doesn’t matter.

She slams the door shut once they’re inside the sound-proof, glass-enclosed space. The table separates them, and for a brief moment she is immensely grateful to Ella, who shoos the nosier of their colleagues away to give them privacy. Finally, she faces him.

“Why are you _lying_ to me?!”

Her eyes sting dangerously, and she can’t keep herself from shouting any longer. 

He visibly struggles to form words, but she cuts him off.

“You lied to me when you saved Trixie and me from Graham. You lied to me when you were worried about my car crash. You– You lied in court. You lied on that _stupid_ burger date!”

She loathes how shrill she sounds, how pathetic. Lucifer is still as a statue across from her, and she wants to _hurt_ him with her words, to slice him open until maybe his heart feels as raw and shattered as hers does.

“You lied on that damned beach. You lied when you cared for me when I was poisoned. I– I still don’t know how you helped Dan with the antidote, but you– You _lied_ when I woke up, too. You _lied_ and you tricked me, and I should never even have trusted you to begin with and you– You don’t even deserve my tears. I mean, did all of that mean nothing to you? Was anything even _real_?!”

–

He’s sure his heart can’t break more than it already has, but her last words do the trick. He staggers back against the glass, and the pain is so acute and excruciating for a moment that it knocks the breath out of his lungs.

Real.

_Everything was real to me. You made the devil believe he had a chance at happiness._

Across from him, Chloe is crying openly now, furiously wiping tears from her cheeks, her eyes shut against him and her lips trembling.

The sight is unbearable, and his whole body aches with the overwhelming need to rush to her, to comfort her in his arms and brush those tears away himself.

But he can’t, can he?

And this, this– It’s not what he had intended at all. 

Aside from tricking Mum, Candy was only meant to show Chloe that he… Well, that he isn’t somebody she should consider, romantically. A chance for her to hopefully break free of his father’s manipulations.

He’d expected her to be annoyed with him, pissed even. That maybe she’d be angry with him for a while, but that in the end she’d realise that she shouldn’t be with him and that eventually, they could continue to work together.

(He can admit to himself that he is simply too weak to leave her entirely.)

But he hadn’t expected _this_.

Chloe is leaning against the far wall, blowing her nose with shaking hands. She’s trying to breathe slowly, to calm herself down, he knows, but sobs still wrack her body, tears still overflow from her eyes.

It’s so, _so_ much worse than anything he feared.

Because it means that she _really_ – That she cares for him a lot. Why, _why_ does his Father have to punish her with this?! Why take her choice away, make her feel things she has no control over, why involve _her_ in their thrice damned feud?!

A grim wrath curses through him, ancient and long-familiar, and he doesn’t know who he’s more furious at – his father or himself.

Chloe faces him again, shattered and devastated because of _him_ , and he feels like Maze is twisting her demon knife inside his chest.

She doesn’t deserve this. She doesn’t deserve him.

He knows he needs to end this, here, now. He must remove himself from her life completely, even if it kills him. Even if it already has. So he swallows, opens his mouth to break another of his vows for her, and lies for the first time.

“I did– I did lie. About all of it. None– None of it was real.”

He has to force the words out, and his voice breaks in the end. 

Chloe blinks, and then she wails, quietly, forlorn, and he knows without a doubt that this will be his hell loop, from now on.

He presses his eyes shut, stumbles from the room, somehow dodges Candy and Ms. Lopez to leave the precinct.

Once more, the Lightbringer is left in darkness.

**Author's Note:**

> By popular demand (and because of my sappy heart) there'll be a second chapter to fix this mess!


End file.
